Soccer Man

Jax woke up Saturday morning and said, "Today is my big game!" And so it was. Jax scored 2 goals the first 2 minutes of the game and I was fumbling with my camera and missed getting them on film. He managed to assist with another goal and also scored once more. He had some really exciting runs down the field and also faked out the other team on one of his many attempted goals. Jax loves soccer and I love watching him play! He is focused and determined and tireless on the field and doesn't cry when he gets knocked down. It is so much fun to watch him discover something he is good at and enjoys so much.

Raw and Uncut

Notes on Deployment:

Life is lived in increments.

It is so much longer and harder and lonelier than I ever imagined or anticipated.

I never thought I'd be so stressed about him returning home for 2 weeks. Will we fight? Will we reconnect easily? Will our separate and independent lives easily merge into one? How will the kids handle him coming home and then leaving again?
It just plain sucks. That's all.

His damn unit is robbing us of the anticipation of him coming home by (surprise surprise) once again being so unorganized that they can't even give us an inkling as to when (or if) in March he will be coming home. Lovely. That gives me no idea as to when I need to clean the mold in my toilet. Or the dust bunnies under my sofas. Or shave my legs. In my defense about the mold and the dust bunnies...I am still doing housework. Just a more relaxed version. After he left I worked really hard to keep the same standards. One day Ellie came home from school and I'd been cleaning all day and I asked her if she was happy with how the house looked. She looked around and said, "We don't really care if it's clean, Mom." And that is when I decided to enjoy my children's oblivion. I read to them and we get Dominoes once a week. Life is sweet.

As Jaylon said, "Izaac doesn't even know he's supposed to have a Dad." And I am pretty sure the others feel abandoned by him. We are living a calm and peaceful life. How riled up will my children be when they have to say goodbye again. How messed up will I be?
This is fun. Really. A barrel of laughs.

Spring Soccer: Jay, a.k.a. SOCCER STAR

Spring Soccer is a misnomer. February in the Puget Sound is Winter. Not Spring. But that's o.k. because the boys LOOOOOOOVE soccer. I signed Jay up for his very first official season and he has asked me every single day during the past month if it was time for soccer yet. Saturday was his first game and it was a hoot. Izaac was a great sport about suffering through 2 hours in the rain to watch his brothers play. Jay and his best bud, Charlie got tangled up and face planted in the mud. No tears. He was having way too much fun to be bothered by a little mud. This is the same child who cries if his hands get sticky.

Grinning the ENTIRE game.

Jax also played in his first game but (long story short) I missed the first half and so didn't get any pictures. He'll be featured in the next soccer post. He made a fantastic stop when he was playing goalie and after the game he said, "Mom- next time you have to make Ellie watch my game. I was totally awesome out there." And he really was. He almost made two goals but "there were always 4 blue guys on me." I'm surprised at how excited I get when I watch my kids play soccer...I now understand my dad's crazy behavior at my brothers and sisters games/meets. And I am so excited for Jaylon to come home and see the kids play soccer in a few weeks (maybe 2, maybe 3, maybe 5- the army keeps us guessing)!

Peek-A-Boo

Colors

It's been 6 freaking long months since this DREADFUL day. I've gone through a rainbow of emotions since he left. The first few weeks were white, bland denial. I've had some pink and rosy weeks where I have wondered why things felt ok. And of course I've had some blue days where I've wanted to cry but haven't...because I've come to the sad conclusion that crying doesn't fix anything. Ever. I thought that I would be radiant with joy when we hit the 6 month mark. But that's not what happened. Instead, on the 6th month anniversary, I woke up an angry angry RED. And I'm still red. And let's not forget GREEN with envy at everyone in the whole entire world who is living with their spouse at this very moment. These emotions have made me feel like kicking innocent people in the teeth- just for looking happy. I'm trying to act civilized. But I've had to put myself in time-out a lot lately...cool off and sit in a corner and wait until the next color. If it weren't for my darling little monsters I'd be blue every day. But how can I be sad when my kids beg me to lay by them and tell them a story for "just 5 minutes" every night? And how can I do anything but laugh when I catch Jay picking GUM off the bottom of his shoes and then trying to chew it??? (That's taking recycling too far!) Or listening to Ellie talk about her "arch enemy" at school (can I blame Harry Potter for that?) or watching Jax's eyes light up as he finally starts to read...or kissing my perfect baby's chubby cheeks while he sleeps? All in all, life is good. Really. I'm just missing my other half...and wishing wishing wishing that there could be peace on earth so he can come home today, now, this very instant and hug my red and green away.

P.S. Don't let your kids get into hot-tubs. Jay got sucked into the intake valve. We almost made it onto the 10:00 news in December. I have also had many many many purple moments of gratitude.