Colors

It's been 6 freaking long months since this DREADFUL day. I've gone through a rainbow of emotions since he left. The first few weeks were white, bland denial. I've had some pink and rosy weeks where I have wondered why things felt ok. And of course I've had some blue days where I've wanted to cry but haven't...because I've come to the sad conclusion that crying doesn't fix anything. Ever. I thought that I would be radiant with joy when we hit the 6 month mark. But that's not what happened. Instead, on the 6th month anniversary, I woke up an angry angry RED. And I'm still red. And let's not forget GREEN with envy at everyone in the whole entire world who is living with their spouse at this very moment. These emotions have made me feel like kicking innocent people in the teeth- just for looking happy. I'm trying to act civilized. But I've had to put myself in time-out a lot lately...cool off and sit in a corner and wait until the next color. If it weren't for my darling little monsters I'd be blue every day. But how can I be sad when my kids beg me to lay by them and tell them a story for "just 5 minutes" every night? And how can I do anything but laugh when I catch Jay picking GUM off the bottom of his shoes and then trying to chew it??? (That's taking recycling too far!) Or listening to Ellie talk about her "arch enemy" at school (can I blame Harry Potter for that?) or watching Jax's eyes light up as he finally starts to read...or kissing my perfect baby's chubby cheeks while he sleeps? All in all, life is good. Really. I'm just missing my other half...and wishing wishing wishing that there could be peace on earth so he can come home today, now, this very instant and hug my red and green away.

P.S. Don't let your kids get into hot-tubs. Jay got sucked into the intake valve. We almost made it onto the 10:00 news in December. I have also had many many many purple moments of gratitude.